‘To boops or not to boops?’: That Is the Question.

So There’s This Guy.

Sexy, good looking, he had it. Plus he likes me. But for reasons which I cannot divulge here, it would not work between us. That’s not the story here though. The story is that he’s willing to spend on me, and that I constantly turn down his offer for gifts, trips to the salon, money to buy clothes etc., because I know I don’t want a relationship with him. There’s this party going on tonight and he called and made the usual offers to buy my outfit and pay for hairdresser. Again, I turned him down.

‘Why?’ he asked. ‘You said you are not prepared for a party, and I’m willing to give you what you need. Why won’t you take it?’ There was a long pause on the phone. I knew he was waiting on an answer and would not stop until he got one.

‘I don’t want to take your money when I know a relationship between us is never gonna happen.’ I said. He started laughing so hard, I got confused.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘You a nice girl enno Kerry, You a nice girl.’ He said between bouts of laughter. I knew where this was going.

‘Nice and fool fool, or just nice?’ I asked.

‘Yuh nice man.’ He said and chuckled. I continued by telling him why he would not work between us and he seemed to understand. I hope that he will. We chatted a bit and then hung up the phone.

You see, I had already had this conversation with a couple of my female friends who told me in no uncertain terms that I was foolish for not accepting the gifts, especially because of the fact that I was at the moment single and unemployed. Every time I have this conversation with my friends they laugh at me, EVERY TIME. And now Dennis had laughed. I was beginning to think that I was indeed foolish.

Which brings me to the question of the day. Is it OK to accept gifts from guys when you know you don’t want a relationship from them, or at the very least, like them? In Jamaican terms, is it OK to ‘boops’ a guy? I would not feel comfortable doing so for a number of reasons. Forget all the usual statements like ‘I would feel cheap’, or ‘It would be wrong’ etc. Firstly, I don’t want some guy having a say over me because he bought the clothes on my back and did my hair. I don’t like being told what to do. Second, if I had taken his money, he would have expected me to go to the party and dance with him for the whole night. I don’t want to go to the party and dance with him for the whole night! I prefer to party with friends most times, because I have the freedom to do anything and dance with anyone I want. I prefer to have my own money to spend, and if I don’t I’d rather stay home, thank you very much. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t take money and gifts from a guy, I just wouldn’t take it from a guy I had no interest in getting in a relationship with, or at the very least, liked. If a male friend is giving me a gift, that’s fine as well, but if strings are attached, no matter how small, no thank you mister.

Many women are forced to take gifts and go into relationships with guys because of their financial needs. They may have kids to feed and send to school and cannot afford to be choosy when it comes to partners. I’ve heard many a woman say ‘Is not who you love, is who can help you’. Maybe If I had a child or a couple of children and was, God forbid, unemployed and getting no support from their father, I’d have to say that too. I hope it never comes to that. Mek me pray from now (says two Hail Mary’s and an Our Father). I think (I HOPE) I have enough common sense not to let it get to that point anyway. What of the women in that situation though? Who am I to tell them that they shouldn’t ‘boops’ a man? They’ve got children to feed. I can afford to be choosy. I mean, I have tons of bills to pay and no job or income to pay them yes, but I don’t have a pair (or several pairs) of sad, hungry little eyes looking up at me saying ‘Mommy I’m hungry’.

Some women ‘boops’ men ‘left, right and centre’ just for the heck of it though. I hope they’re prepared when those men come to collect their pound of flesh (several puns intended). All those gifts are not free. They’re gonna have to be paid for somehow, by using your body, messing up your reputation or even worse, with your life. I doa waah no man come kill me in my sleep or stalk me and hack me to pieces. When I was growing up, a woman who lived next door was beheaded by a man she was ‘boops-ing’ because he saw her with another man. I saw the body with the head barely attached, and the cup that she was mixing some Lasco for her children’s tea on the floor next to her, its contents soaking into the dirt floor of her kitchen. That image stayed with me. Every time I heard of someone ‘boops-ing’ a man or thought of doing the same, I thought of Karen.

As usual, I do not propose to tell my readers how to live their lives, how they decide to do so is their choice, we all have free will. I will however say this: before you go ‘boops-ing’, prepare for a visit from Shylock.

Published in: on January 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm  Comments (9)  

Can We Be Friends? Part II: ‘Microwave-Ready’ Relationships

In my last post I asked the question: Can men and women be friends? I have gotten several responses from my readers, most of whom believe that platonic relationships between men and women can in fact, work. Some however, have not had that same experience. Here’s Tammie’s story (name has been changed to maintain anonymity):

“A platonic relationship can work, for a while. I don’t think it will last ‘forever’.

I’ve made friends with a guy who is the ex of an associate of mine. We became friends when they broke up. It was a great relationship. We talked, hung out and we were good friends. I then started seeing someone and decided to start a relationship and he was happy for me. Everyone was happy.

At the end of Oct last year my boyfriend and I broke up. I was heartbroken cause I’ve never loved someone so much, to the point where I was even thinking of marrying him. A week after the relationship ended for good, my friend came to my rescue. I was grateful to have someone to cry with and just let go all my feelings and during that week, we had sex for the 1st time and both of us were so caught up with each other, we couldn’t stop!

Then he confessed that he wanted to do this from the 1st time we got close. We both know we have to keep our relationship a secret. Just a few of our friends know and they are not even sure what’s going on. We are still close and we still have sex. But the problem is as we progress, our feelings develop.

When he is attracted to someone else and wants to get intimate with them, I instantly become jealous. When I became attracted to one of his friends, it was a whirlwind! He was so jealous he began to tell me he wants to make us exclusive to each other but not in a serious relationship.

This all happened in the course of 2 and a half months and the platonic aspects are starting to fade. We still talk but feelings are stronger than minds. This is why these relationships don’t work.”

A situation such as the one above is, in my opinion disastrous, unless Tammie & Mr. Big (yes let’s call him that) ends up in an exclusive relationship. Someone is always going to end up the loser in that situation. Jealousy & feelings of resentment can fester if boundaries are not set. Some persons cannot separate sex from emotions, and become attached to their ‘friend with benefits’.

‘Microwave-Ready’ Relationships

I realize that I am straying from topic here (I can’t help myself) but I have noticed that more and more women are single these days. Why is that? Of course, what a woman wants in a man changes the more she achieves her goals, both in her academic & professional life, but that’s not all. I have a little theory. I call it *ahem* Microwavius Relatius (hahaha, just kidding)

Now, my theory is not based on any empirical data, I only have my somewhat limited experience & observations which were haphazardly collected or recalled from my memory. I say that to say this: don’t shoot me.

Enough rambling, my theory is this:

There is a rise in casual sexual relationships & so some men are reluctant to form monogamous relationships, while others see no need to form them at all. I apologize if this is offensive to anyone but ‘why buy the cow if u can get the milk for free?’

Men and women, because of the casual nature of these relationships, often feel free to engage in more than one at a time. I mean, you’re not committed to that one person right, so why not? To a man, this is heaven. To a woman–not so much. Men and women have different needs when it comes to relationships. While men might feel satisfied for the most part when their sexual needs are met, a woman’s needs tend to be more emotional. She might be totally satisfied on the sexual front (no pun intended), but still feel utterly miserable because her emotional needs are not satisfied.

Whose fault is the current situation? Many lay blame at the feet of women for causing their prolonged sojourn to the land of the single, and I do agree to some extent. I was on my way to the country the other day with a friend of mine and the subject came up. His views were pretty much the same, that women sometimes make it bad for themselves by being to0 ‘accommodating’ with their bodies. He also said that many women choose to ‘give it up’ too early because they feel that another woman will do what she won’t. And so a cycle develops. I know exactly what he’s talking about.

I’m not saying that some of these arrangements don’t blossom into strong, healthy relationships and even marriage. Some do, but the vast majority don’t, because both parties don’t take the time to get to know each other. I remember things such as the three-month rule where women decided not to have sex with a guy until three months after they’ve started dating. Not three months after the day they met, no, three months after they’ve decided to be exclusive. If I mention that to most people these days I’d probably be laughed at, or at the very least, get a puzzled look. I’m not saying that there aren’t men and women who still have these standards but they are few and far between. Oh no, I’m beginning to sound preachy, so let me stop. What persons do with their bodies is their business. If you are mature enough to handle a casual relationship then that’s your choice.

I started out at male/female platonic relationships and ended up on the doom & gloom view of casual relationships. I seem to be all over the place, but give an old lady a break will ya? I mean, since this is my blog I make the rules right? *grins & bats eyelashes* Doom and gloom aside, I have seen males & females have truly great friendships. I have seen men and women become best friends. Some are as close as siblings. My conclusion is this: it is possible, so the next time you hear ‘He/She is just a friend’, it might just be true.

Published in: on January 28, 2011 at 10:04 am  Comments (1)  

Can We Be Friends?

Males and females are on normal terms, wired to be attracted to each other as a part of our survival mechanism as human beings. Knowing this, many people are of the opinion that relationships between men and women cannot be platonic. But can they? Can a man and a woman be ‘buddies’ without one or both being attracted? With casual relationships on the rise, the statement ‘He/She is just a friend.’ has been the starting point for many a fight in otherwise healthy relationships, because there is a belief that platonic relationships between men and women are simply not possible. Many of my relationships with those of the opposite sex involved one of us liking each other. Many of my guy friends have ended up liking me even when the relationship started out as purely platonic, and I’ve ended up in their shoes a couple of times as well.

I can only remember two friendships with males where none of us were attracted to each other romantically. It makes me wonder if the situation is the same with my readers, and if this is the case, are men and women justified in taking the statement ‘He/She is just a friend.’ with a healthy dose of skepticism? I want to hear what you think. Post your comments or share your experiences below. You can also email your stories to me at kerryann.lowe2@gmail.com if you want to remain anonymous and I’ll include them in my follow-up post.

Published in: on January 12, 2011 at 11:51 am  Comments (2)  

I’m Back :)

These past couple of months I’ve been in a dark place and looking back, one of the things it affected the most was my self-esteem. I lost confidence in myself. I lost my sexy. I’m so glad its back.

So, to commemorate my emergence from the dark room, I took tons of idle (more like provocative) pics, something I haven’t done in ages.

I definitely need a professional camera (these were taken with my Blackberry Storm). Don’t know if my pics are any good but I like taking them so I’ll continue.

Here goes!

Published in: on November 6, 2010 at 9:48 pm  Comments (1)  

So I Cut (More like Chopped Off) My Hair

Click on each image to see my before and after descriptions

Published in: on November 5, 2010 at 6:49 am  Comments (1)  

Forbidden Caress

If only they knew
What we were up to
What would they say
What would they do

If they knew we touch
If they knew we kiss
That your soft skin grazes mine
That our tender bodies caress

Your lips upon my breast I feel
Your tongue it follows suit
My legs move wider in response
Come, enjoy the loot

Waiting for the tremors
My eyes you have blindfolded
My hands behind me tied

My heartbeat quickens as I feel
Your breath’s warmth on my skin
The softness of your body
It stirs me deep within

You’ve captured me, I’m wet with need
And I’m yet to be touched
At my precious place, my soft escape
That yearns and aches so much

I curl my toes, I arch my back
My body says it all
As your lips it seeks to satisfy
My body’s beck and call

Your lips drew closer, up these thighs
To claim my prize as its own
They kissed, grazed, traced and teased
To the rhythm of my moans

My moans get louder with each stroke
My essence you have won
As you sucked, licked skillfully,
Made music with your tongue

I moved, I writhed in sweet delight
You held me in a trance
As you plucked at my strings with your tongue
My body did its dance

You took my love to heights unknown
As I held on to the sheets
My body shook so violently
My juices flowed so sweet

As the ache I feel within subsides
My core beats like a drum
It slowly pulsed its gratitude
Your duty you have done

If they guessed they wouldn’t know the half
Between us it shall stay
We melt and blend in with the world
As night turns into day

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Published in: on May 27, 2010 at 9:27 pm  Comments (5)  
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The Alliance

Lonely, she wanders estranged
In a new and unfamiliar world
Ambition her only source of existence.
She watches people pass by
Automaton expression emblazoned upon their faces
As they proceed to attain their fair share of knowledge.
In an amorphous mass they descend each year to earn their degree at this prestigious institution.
She wonders if she too will become a part of this mindless clump.

Slowly, with the passage of time, her fears are allayed
As individuals emerge from the mass-produced mindset,
Their intellect no longer imprisoned by the pedagogy of the downpressed.
Individuals with separate visions, united by ambition.
The same ambition that was her life support in the lonely days.
She goes forward with new vigor,
Ready to take on her new enterprise,
Allies by her side.

Published in: on May 26, 2010 at 4:13 am  Comments (2)  
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Ode To Bruce

I, like many Jamaicans did not believe Bruce Golding when he said that he knew nothing of the Manatt Phelps & Phillips issue, and that the government was not involved. That however did not stop us from being shocked  on Tuesday when he made the revelation that he had indeed authorized the U.S. based firm to lobby the United States in Christopher Dudus Coke’s extradition case. That he lied in the matter is plain for all to see and on some level is expected of politicians, sad as it is. What upsets us though is the sly tactics he seems to be using in this sordid affair.

When the Manatt Phelps & Phillips issue came to the attention of the media and the nation some weeks ago, the Prime Minister denied all involvement. On Tuesday in the House of Representatives, he shocked and angered members of the opposition and the nation with his admission that he was in fact involved, but in his capacity as leader of the Jamaica Labour Party. The question that comes to mind immediately is ‘Why would the JLP as a party be lobbying on behalf of Mr. Coke, a man alleged to be the leader of the Shower Posse and a known criminal element?” His justification was that “such interventions have, in the past, proven to be of considerable value in dealing with issues involving governments of both countries”. Why then, didn’t he lobby government to government? What does the Jamaica Labour Party stand to gain? We know that this is an excuse.

When questioned in Parliament he said that he did not lie, because he had stated that the government did not have any discussions with Manatt Phelps & Phillips about the case, and that he was not asked about the JLP’s involvement. He also said that Manatt Phelps & Phillips were made to believe that they were representing the government, and that they registered the government as clients without their ‘knowledge or appropriate authorization’. This is a clear case of lie by omission. Bruce Golding, Prime Minister and Bruce Golding, the leader of the Jamaica Labour Party is embodied in the same man and unless they are two distinct personalities totally oblivious of each others existence, then the Prime Minister, in his repeated denial of any knowledge of the issue, lied to the Jamaican people.

Bombarded with insults and questions from the opposition, Mr. Golding said “You cannot ask this House anything about my responsibilities as party leader”. Doesn’t this then lead you to the opinion that this is another barefaced lie, that the Prime Minister used the JLP as a shield from the questions that were sure to come his way? By claiming that he did it in his capacity as party leader, he is not obligated to respond or discuss the issue in Parliament. The only place he might be taken to task about this mess is at the party level, at a conference or other official JLP meetings.

I sincerely hope that this will not be another nine day wonder, that Mr. Golding will be held accountable for his obvious and shameless lie [insert laughter here]. This clearly is wishful thinking, as we do not hold our leaders responsible for their actions, and the situation will not change anytime soon unless we do. Our mindset is all wrong. Before we complain about the government and what it is or is not doing, let us change our mindset. We give them the power they possess. They do not rule over us. We need to take back our power. We need to become more involved in the governance of our country, or this country that we love will be no more.